Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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