I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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