I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
