if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
