just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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