I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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