There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
