Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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