I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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