I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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