He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
