Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
