She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
