im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
