I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
