Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
