so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
