What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They took my balls.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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