it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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