a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
