I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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