This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
