I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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