every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
