Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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