so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
