I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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