i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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