woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
