the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
