I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
