WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
