forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
