Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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