why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
