i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
