A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
