1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
