No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
