so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
