Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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