He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
