you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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