I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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