seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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