i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
