I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
