I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
