Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
