im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
